Humour! Anyone?

Humour in India is like sex. People love to do it, try it, don't know if it was great but feel like it was, when you know that someone else is doing good then you say 'huh I can do better'. Only few people appreciate, actually only those who knows the where, when and what to do.

Earlier humour was in the form of word of mouth jokes, and then came SMS jokes and now well there is still whatsapp jokes. Apart from those comic strips, few stand ups, few serials and movies were there but the time has changed now and so has the media. Thanks to internet, there is a whole new platform for the creator of humour to present upon. The best part is that they don't have to restrict themselves in terms of creativity like in case of serials and movies. 

With the likes of Faking news, All India Bakchod (AIB), The Viral Fever (TVF), etc. humour has taken a leap. It has reached to much larger audience. Some appreciate it and some dislikes it. But in case of disliking the satire and humour I met people of two categories. One who believed that the things could have been done in a better way and then there were those who simply discarded the humour. 

The argument started on one of the AIB's video which is a jingle of ‘Classic Indian Ads. They said there is nothing classy about it and the song is quite irritating. 

I asked them why is that you didn't like it? I mean it takes a lot of effort to make one. The answer came, 'There is nothing new to it. I could do it any time of the day'. 

I requested them to do it. The answer came; I don't do such degrading things.

I insisted like a child but no. All the people of this category whom I totally discarded the satire and its humour by citing the reason that it is against the culture, it is corrupting the youth and making their minds dirty. The most shocking was that AIB's "It's My Fault" was degrading towards women for them.

It made me think that the humour spread has taken a leap but not the humour overall. I would have accepted them as rare kind if there have been few but there were more than ten.

After this experience I believe that there is still a need for the humour to take a leap and it would be better if we hire Neil Armstrong for that. We are still not ready to accept many things in humour specially sex, religion and politics. People even say don’t touch those topics to be on a safer side. Making a satire is not betting on share market.

It is done to point out society’s flaws in a comic or rather entertaining manner. It takes lot of effort to make a satire or create a humour. Dislike it as audience not as an apple’s engineer.

- Ajit Kumar

Five Things Women Would Love To Hear

Words! Well, when it about a man, he believes that action is more important than words, but if we talk about a woman, then it’s not only about just action but words too. A simple word can make them to love and admire you more and more and also can make them to suck your blood. So there’s one thing which we, men, need to learn about women is what to say to make them happy. And if it comes to compliment then women are someone who wants more and more and if you’ll give them that then they’ll surely give you plenty back in return.

You can make a woman to please you simply by letting her realize that how much she already does. Here are five things which women love to hear or which men would love to sound out.

I can’t believe how you look so beautiful!

If you’re just dating someone, then just by telling her that how much she’s attractive for you, can work any time, but if it’s about a relationship then women just want to know that even after spending few years with her, you still find her the most beautiful girl (whether she is or not). Many times it occurs that the appeal which you felt in her before sticking into a kinship is now lacking somewhere after when you realize that there are a lot more young women out there who are prettier than your girlfriend. But let me tell you one thing a woman will stop looking prettier and beautiful for you if you’ll stop complimenting her about her beauty. The more you’ll compliment, the more she’ll be conscious about her body as she wants her man never to stop complimenting her.

Many of us think that girls don’t like words like “SEXY” and “HOT” and resist using them for any girl. But here is the thing! Believe me, it doesn’t matter if some girls show that they don’t like these sort of words because from inside she feels like taking flight in the sky after hearing that how many sexy and hot she is.

You’re really smart!

Indigestible for women, but it’s a bitter truth that the majority of women comes with beauty without brain or even no beauty no brain. So if you’ve that girl from the minority who don’t still have that beauty, but brain also then acknowledge her intelligence whether she is or not. It’ll make her realize that her man not only know her figure but brain as well. A woman loves a man who is capable of thinking above waistline or a man who can not only think above and below her stomach but also her smartness. It’s kind of a respect from her man.

I want to spend my life with you!

The master line which a guy mostly uses while proposing a girl, but be prepared about the consequences after saying this. Maybe it’s just a line to use, but it’s more than just words to women. Yea! But never forget one thing that risks come with heaps of rewards. Say lines like this when you really mean it because maybe you’re saying this merely to woo her, but women always bring these matters to their essence. A woman loves to hear how much you’re committed towards her and the relationship. I would allege that other phrases like “I am incomplete without you” and “you make me feel so happy” can lick in the similar room but less commitment.

How was the day?

Asking her about the day always make a girl feel about your eagerness and interest to understand her. For a guy, a day means just work and sleep, but for a girl, it’s all about the things which are adventurous for her like; gossiping, fight with her sister or brother, her best friend’s affair and many more. Well but be prepared because this line gives her the license to talk for a long time and maybe those things which can make you bore till death. So before saying this line, better just go for pranayama or something which can help you to stand for a long while to listen to her long but endless bedtime stories. You may have to listen more than you want to.

I love you!

The 3 little power pack words! I don’t think I have to explain that why women love to hear this phrase, but I would like to say only one thing that brother, don’t feel shy or hesitate to say this line. These words are not meant to be used only at the time of proposing a girl, so it’s good to say it every now and then. I called them power words because it perpetually helps you to relight the spark in your relationship. You won’t regret once you’ll see her reaction on it.

So now this is women’s day and it’s time to go out and make your girl feel that how much she’s special to you and your life. But before all that, never forget to respect women’s body and soul as it’s the most precious thing in this universe.


- Kanishta Anshul

Relationship Status!

What’s your relationship status? A very common question on social networking sites (special thanks to Zuckerberg Saab). Whenever we check anyone’s profile, the first thing where our eyes roll up is whether the one is single or mingle. If single then friend request send karna to banta hai boss and if mingled then ‘sarging’ will follow up for next.

Sometimes it seems to be very strange that the one who is single wants to mingle and the one who is mingle again wants to be single and then again mingle.

The most famous and popular status is ‘SINGLE’. Generally, the people who fall under this clan are practical (good to give yourself the tranquility as I am one of them) and ‘happy go lucky’ type of species. They become the center of attraction if they have a good profile. Mostly these types of species don’t really want to stay single but being a victim of circumstances; helpless. They’re found to be dating and flirting but not more than that. Singles generally don’t have a fear of getting cheated, being caught with other, limits or any compact system. And that’s why they seem to be like a khulla saandh. These people generally say that ‘ I am happy being a single’ but actually its different from within. They know from inside that ‘yaar kab tak sukha pada rhega’. The people who were dumped by someone (fortunately or unfortunately) also fall under this clan. Sometimes people with the tag of THARKY also live with this status too. In a simple way, single lives with the quote: jo mujhe chahiye use main nahin chahiye, aur jisko main chahiye wo bhala kisko chahiye.

Undoubtedly lucky and measurably impecunious status is ‘IN A RELATIONSHIP/MINGLE’. Lucky because they have their best friend as their life mate (for a time being, temporarily). You’ll not find them easily online on social networking sites and that’s why generally they get a medium level of attention there. This type of species is generally found with their pair in dating spots (boring part: with the same one). They believe in eating the same daal everyday and when they feels to eat something new like biryani then they jump into the same daal again. Now, impecunious because these types of clan lives a compact life with boring daal everyday. They can’t hook around as nazarey bhatak gai to samjho gardan latak gai. But there are few ones of this clan who love the way of being treated as special and compaction due to which they remains with this status for their lifetime.

The most dangerous one: ‘MARRIED’. Simple the status means: ‘Better just back off’. These types of people get very low attention as trying on them is useless. Trying on them is like helping a prisoner to escape from jail who is loving that place a lot that he/she wants to stay there for forever.

The most complicated one: ‘IT’S COMPLICATED’. The people with this kind of status are mostly ‘breakup’ lovers. If they’re together, they feel like hooking someone else. When they do break up, they feel like Romeo-Juliet. These kind of people loves the chemistry subject so much that they also do chemical reactions in their relationship and the result of which: switching off ‘in a relationship’ to ‘its complicated’. They always try to search a substitute to stay constant due to which instead of becoming a substitute, they act as a catalyst to fasten up the chemical reaction of their relationship. So in a simple way, they just follow: break up, together again, break up again, together again...and so on.

Lastly, the ‘not so cool’ (what I think!): ‘IN AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP’. The people under this status gets the most attention though the status is less demanding. But you’ll find them very rare but once you get them-just enjoy dating and nothing more than that. The people with this status just want to convey: I’m not single but though you can take your chance. These people are ‘date freak’. Even after having a BF/GF, they are not bound to one person. They generally come with a mutual understanding that ‘you are my casual BF/GF, and I’ll be seeing others too’. They don’t feel the necessary dedication to their relationship. The status is less demanding due to its order and way of presenting someone’s ‘charitra’ but mostly acquire by girls in the count. They believe in: I’ll go outside and eat biryani, burger, sandwich even dosa but end of the day will have ghar ki daal at dinner also.

- Kanishta Anshul

Crush On A Librarian

Every school has a teacher, jis par pure school ka crush hota hai. I remember my school days when I had big time crush on my librarian. I never liked going inside my school’s library. I mean… It was like going inside the palace where all my enemies are planning to destroy my brain. You could say that I was actually ‘library-phobic’.

Once I was taken forcefully in that room by my class-teacher by saying that ‘if I’ll not attend library class then she will complain about this to my mom’. Grhhh… Why!! I mean...Why always this brandishing!?!

I was feeling so much anger that I even placed a bomb underneath my class teacher’s desk on my dream.

I was getting agonized sitting in that ‘pin-drop’ silent room and it was totally a fun watching my class mates getting inside the world of encyclopedia jis se acha hai aaj kal ka social networking media. By the way, I took out a Bollywood magazine from a rack and was checking out Bipasha Basu’s rack, just like a lion could also find his prey inside the cage. Though I was enjoying watching her but I was also desperate to get out from that freaky room.

Suddenly, one of my class mates who went out for loo (lucky fellow!) ran inside while gasping.

“What happened? Why you running like a jerk?” I asked him as I was also desperate about any gossip.

“Man! You should look at her”, he said with a tharky smile while pointing towards a girl who was entering the library from the other side of it.

I keep following her to the room with my eyes. And when she finally entered our main library room, I get astonished which is obviously a good feeling.

Man! I had never seen such a beautiful teacher before. She was looking exactly like Katrina Kaif wearing saree in the movie ‘Singh Is King’, and with books in hand. And it became soney pe suhaga when the wind blowing inside the room gave a ‘heavenicious’ feeling. She introduced herself and said something which I didn't heard as at that moment, violin was playing inside my mind.

I was staring at her with full loony mood. Even I sang a romantic song with her in my mind also…’Pehla nasha…pehla khumarr….’. But we know that there always a villain or an interval to pause the romantic scene of SRK’s movie. So here, the villain was the bell.

That whole day, I kept on singing all the latest romantic song while memorizing her cute attitude. For the first time, I was getting ready in the morning for school by my will. My mom was also surprised to see the change in me as according to her, ‘If 100 laziest died them I was born’ and going school was out of my ‘sincere’ laziness.

Every day I used to wait for only one thing: Library class. Her one sight was enough for me to write the screenplay of my dreamland. And by increasing my loony mood, I volunteered as a librarian assistant. And finally…wuff…She talked to me. It was just the intro but was even enough for me to write the happy climax.

Sometimes even I thought that she likes me very much and I should talk to mom that: Maa, maine tere liye ek teacher bahu dhundhi hai.

Aur in this movie, the villain came out to be her dad. One day, she came to me in the school and gave me a card wrapped inside an envelope. I thought that now I’ll make a history by wooing a teacher. When I opened that envelope, what I saw was her wedding card. Yeah! She was getting married. I mean…how she could!? Uski umar hi kyat hai!?Mujhe kuch hi saal badi to hogi? What was the hurry? Well, I walked off the library by submitting the library card showing that I’ll never enter this freaky room who only wants to traumatize me.

Hell to the library! I was moving to my class room with my torn ‘heart’ and wedding card. 

And suddenly…

I saw another beautiful girl walking on the corridor, wearing saree just like Sushmita Sen in main hoon na. And again the song started playing on my mind again: Chand Mera Dil …. Then again CRUSHHH….

- Kanishta Anshul Sinha

Off To College

Engineering College- The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet!!!

Starting days…..I remember it was full of fear, drama, and suspense. The fear of ragging, fear of new environment, fear of new people and of course fear of higher studies.

And now just hold your seat belt because here I am taking you all to the flash back!! 

First day in hostel, pin drop silence, the jitteriness!!

The common thing between the batch mates - all sailing on the same boat, carrying no idea where in the world are the seniors going to drag us, all standing in a queue, with a serious (or, better to say a “blunt”) expression, nervousness and restlessly waiting for our turn to jump on Fire.

Then comes the first call, the intro part (the bitter gulp in almost every College!!!) in which, one has to introduce oneself in variety of amusing ways, though I must include this part , the intro in SHUDH HINDI (NO HINGLISH, which is our day-to-day Language) though sounds comical at once, but that’s the first place where we felt how far we have stimulated from our own HINDI and adapted some other funky language , that too unknowingly(for most of us, at least I admit it)!!!

Simple words like, “Vidyalaya”, “sansathan” etc. were out from the memory Bank, and we were literally fighting to recall these!!

Next, not to forget, again a very disheartening part when you need to modify your hobbies selections, making sure you are not caught in your own web!! I would like to share my own situation here. Well, my hobby is dancing, I just love dancing, but when I came to know their strategies of making you dance on any random beat, from mujra to salsa, to cha cha cha…and that too was conditional that you cannot miss any beat, else “REDO”… I stepped back, asked myself, ‘have I ever danced and will I be able to dance on multi dance beats?’ 

So, I tried being on a safer side by saying singing as my hobby. BUT! You cannot escape from a cage; full of hungry lions. I was caught!! I sang my favorite….till which it was still ok, but when I was asked to Sing “aankhon me sapne liye” in Himesh Reshamiya’s voice, I couldn’t help my laughter (mind you, you cannot laugh when you are being ragged, else you‘ll have to Swipe and “flush it”).

Well sorry Shan, I really messed up your song in his voice, though I was pretty much appreciated for my effort!!

‘The Juggler Monkey Session’ - Another Drama, in which we made a group of two. Funniest of all, I Played the role of a juggler by saying ‘jamure ab dance dikhayega’ and my co-partner became a monkey, jumped out from somewhere, scratching her whole body, chattering too… and that was not the end , it was a ‘Merry Go Round’ session because in the second round, nonetheless, I was the ‘Jungly Jamura’.

Then the round of proposals, I mean what could be more embarrassing than this; being a girl you have to propose a Girl, a ghastly experience.

And the last session was – ‘Q/A’ round in which they asked the question which once heard would absolutely sound pathetic , but rule was- ‘Think Positively’ and don’t go to the wrong side- like, you all must be aware of the question ‘selenium halide’ (but not the answer).

The second level of Ragging – In College

The most dangerous one: targeting at a single point from three ways; Seniors of all three years targeting at any random ‘Ant’ (the freshers). I remember they were supposed to come during recess and to escape. We even asked our teachers to take extra classes!! The 1 hour recess was used to be the most horrible part, as that was the toughest time in the whole day.

And my IT branch, famous for “Pseudo Marriages”, yes it’s a generation trend being followed that at least, one marriage has to be held among the freshers and seniors giving their blessings!

The scene goes as –

One had to sit in the middle. As a sign of fire, and one selected couple have to roam around the fire with belts in their hand which was the artificial ‘varmala’ as per them. This obviously added some more spice to our ragging part.

And how could you feel that it’s an end, the most frightened part is remaining- The Dispersal Time.

Going to hostel was again a pain. We could be caught anytime, anywhere on road and thus, we started moving in groups as a bunch of ‘worried Ants’ that could be easily spotted.

That was the time when we used to think, ’what do seniors think about themselves, don’t they know that one day we will also become seniors, and then the super seniors. Whatever, we will never do this to our juniors and with this thought in mind we all waited for fresher’s party, as after that no senior would be ragging us.

Whatever happened, whatever pain we faced, somehow, what I (people must agree to this) realized that going through those sessions (Healthy), helped us in coming out of our own net. We discovered ourselves sometimes, when we were asked to mimic someone or show the best talent we have (in front of all), to show respect, to realize that there are certain levels and we need to obey those, the acquaintance that developed with the seniors and the recognitions that we got for ourselves as INDIVIDUALS etc.

All came to an end, 1st year also got to an end, Fear was now taken as Fun, and yes, the old concept of what the seniors think about themselves, got applicable on us,

AS WE FOLLOWED THE TREND!!!!

- Anjali Priya

Just Another Date

They were singing: Kabutar ja ja jaaaa... kabutar ja ja ja... but it boosted a lot due to our generation and thus we sing Facebook ja ja jaaaa... Facebook ja ja ja.

Thanks to Mark bhaiya for creating virtual dakiyas and kabutar protocol for us. Blind dates are something which succeeds if you know how to act for that and fails if you know how to mess up. Basically, Facebook or post card should help to make the blind date how to act on blind date to make it successful especially what I learned from my last blind date.

It was fun talking to her on chat box. So, I thought to give it a chance. Frankly, I was desperate to date someone. So, I took the first step and asked her for a date. I was excited as I was thinking: isko pata dala to life jhingaa la la.

For a successful date, it’s important to show that we have similar interests and thus instant connections. So, I checked all her likes and dislikes from her profile to find any common interest or connection and therefore I could surprise and impress her. But, found nothing except two things: mutual friends and Indian! :p So, what I decided is that if there is no connection then it’s better to create one with the help of my BFF – Lie.

Now, it’s very important have a place which should look different from the run of the mill. My date was a student of journalism and it’s really hard to impress these types. After a lot of planning and much confusion, I took her to a nearby coffee shop. Well, sticking with old-school ways works. She seemed to be impressed as there was an exhibition on photography and journalism at the coffee shop (luckily). (#TIP 1: Plan a brief meeting at any public place which should be different but defines your date.)

The next thing which I did was ordering a black coffee (YUK!) for both of us as my pre-analysis told me that she likes black coffee (though I don’t). Though she was impressed I was regretting. Having that black coffee was like having sweet gourd juice.

Next we started talking. I thought that it’s better to make her realize that there are lots of connections between her and me. So, I started with: My favourite colour… err what’s yours? “PINK!!!” “Mine too” I don’t know why I said that but her expression after that was dekhne layak. She remained silent, it was only me for a while who was just talking… and talking.

Then she started her, it was totally as disastrous political speech.

She was boring me in a weird Hindi accent…about the recent news update... about Narendra Modi and I was feeling like a dumb participant in a seminar. C’mon man! You are on date not on a seminar and her dangerous fluency in Bengali language in the mid of the conversations was like watching a regional movie without subtitles. Youth ko ye karna chaiye….youth ko wo karna chaiye… but what about us? GHANTA! Though I was blank on the topic, but I was just singing: bilkul thik kaha tumney, main bhi yehin kehney wala tha. (#TIP 2: Pick up light conversations but do not let it become a monologue which is the sign that the date is getting bored then she will definitely take revenge)

Next we decided to shift the venue as can’t have the whole meeting in a single place. I don’t know about her, but I was dying with boredom. And it’s important to have a plan B, like bowling, pool or a movie, maybe. My plan was to take her for Satyagraha. But after watching her emotions towards Anna Hazare and corruption which was unbearable, I jumped to Plan C (#TIP 3: Always keep at least one alternate plan to save your ass).

So, ‘Pilaannn ke mutabik’, I took her to a disc. And believe me, if you want to impress a bong then take her to a disc or any rock concert. And yeah! She was impressed. Guess what happened inside!? She asked me to dance with her. Wow! Meri to ghanti baj gai thi us time. Aur is tarh baji that I agreed to that. As I stepped up to the dance floor, I saw my Ex there dancing with someone else. Lag gai meri! Seeing her, I even forget the steps and only one thing was running on my mind – what will happen if she get encounter with my date. I will be exposed about the lies which I used to make the fake connection like: I never had any GF. So, I took her out from there by making an excuse that my bro is not well and have to reach home ASAP (Man! This ‘not well’ thing is the master excuse). (#TIP 4: Be prepared before planning any activity – things may go in a direction you haven’t planned)

Then I dropped her at home. And she gave me a GN kiss on my cheek. I don’t know whether it was a good sign or not but I was not happy the way this date went. I mean... What will happen in the future if she’ll come to know about my lies and all? One thing was clear from this ‘adventurous’ date that making a fake connection creates fake relationships where you’ll lose your realism and thus ruins the date. (#TIP 5: never try to create any fake connections either it’ll be harmful and worthless for you only)

- Kanishta Anshul Sinha