Relationship Status!

What’s your relationship status? A very common question on social networking sites (special thanks to Zuckerberg Saab). Whenever we check anyone’s profile, the first thing where our eyes roll up is whether the one is single or mingle. If single then friend request send karna to banta hai boss and if mingled then ‘sarging’ will follow up for next.

Sometimes it seems to be very strange that the one who is single wants to mingle and the one who is mingle again wants to be single and then again mingle.

The most famous and popular status is ‘SINGLE’. Generally, the people who fall under this clan are practical (good to give yourself the tranquility as I am one of them) and ‘happy go lucky’ type of species. They become the center of attraction if they have a good profile. Mostly these types of species don’t really want to stay single but being a victim of circumstances; helpless. They’re found to be dating and flirting but not more than that. Singles generally don’t have a fear of getting cheated, being caught with other, limits or any compact system. And that’s why they seem to be like a khulla saandh. These people generally say that ‘ I am happy being a single’ but actually its different from within. They know from inside that ‘yaar kab tak sukha pada rhega’. The people who were dumped by someone (fortunately or unfortunately) also fall under this clan. Sometimes people with the tag of THARKY also live with this status too. In a simple way, single lives with the quote: jo mujhe chahiye use main nahin chahiye, aur jisko main chahiye wo bhala kisko chahiye.

Undoubtedly lucky and measurably impecunious status is ‘IN A RELATIONSHIP/MINGLE’. Lucky because they have their best friend as their life mate (for a time being, temporarily). You’ll not find them easily online on social networking sites and that’s why generally they get a medium level of attention there. This type of species is generally found with their pair in dating spots (boring part: with the same one). They believe in eating the same daal everyday and when they feels to eat something new like biryani then they jump into the same daal again. Now, impecunious because these types of clan lives a compact life with boring daal everyday. They can’t hook around as nazarey bhatak gai to samjho gardan latak gai. But there are few ones of this clan who love the way of being treated as special and compaction due to which they remains with this status for their lifetime.

The most dangerous one: ‘MARRIED’. Simple the status means: ‘Better just back off’. These types of people get very low attention as trying on them is useless. Trying on them is like helping a prisoner to escape from jail who is loving that place a lot that he/she wants to stay there for forever.

The most complicated one: ‘IT’S COMPLICATED’. The people with this kind of status are mostly ‘breakup’ lovers. If they’re together, they feel like hooking someone else. When they do break up, they feel like Romeo-Juliet. These kind of people loves the chemistry subject so much that they also do chemical reactions in their relationship and the result of which: switching off ‘in a relationship’ to ‘its complicated’. They always try to search a substitute to stay constant due to which instead of becoming a substitute, they act as a catalyst to fasten up the chemical reaction of their relationship. So in a simple way, they just follow: break up, together again, break up again, together again...and so on.

Lastly, the ‘not so cool’ (what I think!): ‘IN AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP’. The people under this status gets the most attention though the status is less demanding. But you’ll find them very rare but once you get them-just enjoy dating and nothing more than that. The people with this status just want to convey: I’m not single but though you can take your chance. These people are ‘date freak’. Even after having a BF/GF, they are not bound to one person. They generally come with a mutual understanding that ‘you are my casual BF/GF, and I’ll be seeing others too’. They don’t feel the necessary dedication to their relationship. The status is less demanding due to its order and way of presenting someone’s ‘charitra’ but mostly acquire by girls in the count. They believe in: I’ll go outside and eat biryani, burger, sandwich even dosa but end of the day will have ghar ki daal at dinner also.

- Kanishta Anshul

Just Another Date

They were singing: Kabutar ja ja jaaaa... kabutar ja ja ja... but it boosted a lot due to our generation and thus we sing Facebook ja ja jaaaa... Facebook ja ja ja.

Thanks to Mark bhaiya for creating virtual dakiyas and kabutar protocol for us. Blind dates are something which succeeds if you know how to act for that and fails if you know how to mess up. Basically, Facebook or post card should help to make the blind date how to act on blind date to make it successful especially what I learned from my last blind date.

It was fun talking to her on chat box. So, I thought to give it a chance. Frankly, I was desperate to date someone. So, I took the first step and asked her for a date. I was excited as I was thinking: isko pata dala to life jhingaa la la.

For a successful date, it’s important to show that we have similar interests and thus instant connections. So, I checked all her likes and dislikes from her profile to find any common interest or connection and therefore I could surprise and impress her. But, found nothing except two things: mutual friends and Indian! :p So, what I decided is that if there is no connection then it’s better to create one with the help of my BFF – Lie.

Now, it’s very important have a place which should look different from the run of the mill. My date was a student of journalism and it’s really hard to impress these types. After a lot of planning and much confusion, I took her to a nearby coffee shop. Well, sticking with old-school ways works. She seemed to be impressed as there was an exhibition on photography and journalism at the coffee shop (luckily). (#TIP 1: Plan a brief meeting at any public place which should be different but defines your date.)

The next thing which I did was ordering a black coffee (YUK!) for both of us as my pre-analysis told me that she likes black coffee (though I don’t). Though she was impressed I was regretting. Having that black coffee was like having sweet gourd juice.

Next we started talking. I thought that it’s better to make her realize that there are lots of connections between her and me. So, I started with: My favourite colour… err what’s yours? “PINK!!!” “Mine too” I don’t know why I said that but her expression after that was dekhne layak. She remained silent, it was only me for a while who was just talking… and talking.

Then she started her, it was totally as disastrous political speech.

She was boring me in a weird Hindi accent…about the recent news update... about Narendra Modi and I was feeling like a dumb participant in a seminar. C’mon man! You are on date not on a seminar and her dangerous fluency in Bengali language in the mid of the conversations was like watching a regional movie without subtitles. Youth ko ye karna chaiye….youth ko wo karna chaiye… but what about us? GHANTA! Though I was blank on the topic, but I was just singing: bilkul thik kaha tumney, main bhi yehin kehney wala tha. (#TIP 2: Pick up light conversations but do not let it become a monologue which is the sign that the date is getting bored then she will definitely take revenge)

Next we decided to shift the venue as can’t have the whole meeting in a single place. I don’t know about her, but I was dying with boredom. And it’s important to have a plan B, like bowling, pool or a movie, maybe. My plan was to take her for Satyagraha. But after watching her emotions towards Anna Hazare and corruption which was unbearable, I jumped to Plan C (#TIP 3: Always keep at least one alternate plan to save your ass).

So, ‘Pilaannn ke mutabik’, I took her to a disc. And believe me, if you want to impress a bong then take her to a disc or any rock concert. And yeah! She was impressed. Guess what happened inside!? She asked me to dance with her. Wow! Meri to ghanti baj gai thi us time. Aur is tarh baji that I agreed to that. As I stepped up to the dance floor, I saw my Ex there dancing with someone else. Lag gai meri! Seeing her, I even forget the steps and only one thing was running on my mind – what will happen if she get encounter with my date. I will be exposed about the lies which I used to make the fake connection like: I never had any GF. So, I took her out from there by making an excuse that my bro is not well and have to reach home ASAP (Man! This ‘not well’ thing is the master excuse). (#TIP 4: Be prepared before planning any activity – things may go in a direction you haven’t planned)

Then I dropped her at home. And she gave me a GN kiss on my cheek. I don’t know whether it was a good sign or not but I was not happy the way this date went. I mean... What will happen in the future if she’ll come to know about my lies and all? One thing was clear from this ‘adventurous’ date that making a fake connection creates fake relationships where you’ll lose your realism and thus ruins the date. (#TIP 5: never try to create any fake connections either it’ll be harmful and worthless for you only)

- Kanishta Anshul Sinha